Himself's latest addiction.

Bridezillas.

Anyone ever seen this show? It's a foxtel program about women who totally lose it in the lead up to their wedding. They are everything, and I mean everything that makes me scared of getting married.

Not one of these women appears to be enjoying anything about their wedding. Grooms are featured only when making mistakes that cause the bride to have a meltdown, in the lead up to weddings the bride only smiles... well, actually, she doesn't seem to smile. They are on a mission; a quest for the 'perfect' wedding. Apparently the perfect wedding consists of any number of factors from oversized dresses to screeching mothers. The notable absence of any joy about the preperations for the 'big day' and the fact that they often utter terrifying phrases such as "What little girl hasn't been dreaming about this day their whole life" or "It's the most important day of my entire life and I could never be happy if it wasn't perfect", makes me afraid.

How can it be healthy to have a groom with no say in his wedding (or marriage, apparently), at all? And if your only dream is to stand next to someone (anyone) and say "I do" with just the right arrangement of flowers by the altar, then you need a reality check. One woman on this show took out a personal loan to pay for a US$70,000 wedding in a faux castle. She wasn't wealthy, she was a middle class woman who was putting herself in enough debt to put a sizeable dent in her life for a loooong time, all so she could have a more expensive version of what hundreds of others have.

These 'Bridezilla' examples are atypical of my disdain for the weddings that seem to be everywhere these days. There is no personality, just variations on the cookie cutter style we have had fed to us by the bridal industry. We spend enormous amounts of money for what? To have another way to compete with Mr and Mrs Jones? Everything in life can be made into a status symbol affair, but it seems that this area in particular is one where women forget any personality they usually have and conform to the same 12 options (or combination thereof) that every other woman selects from.

If you like giant white dresses, great. If you like pretend castles, great. If you like roses, great. But are you really telling me that these women, who strive for 'perfection' rather than enjoying their day or what it means, are following what they like? It's all too plastic.

But Himself loves it. I think it's his way of trying to remind me what I have promised not to become. I can see that this will probably become stressful at some point, and decisions can't flow as easily as they have so far. But I know why I'm getting married, and it isn't in some desperate need to fulfill a childhood dream (although I'm still waiting for a pony, that's one dream that can never die) or to reach a form of higher perfection. I can't see myself losing sight of that.

The magazines are piling up.

But what good are they when I don't want a giant white dress or a wedding-world reception centre who churn through 4 couples per weekend?

Trying to work out what you want to do for your actual wedding is like feeling your way in the dark unless you've been secretly dreaming of the day and hoarding wedding ideas in the corners of your mind since you were a little girl. Do I need to spell out this is not me?

I've been surprised at how little conversation it's actually taken between Himself and I to work out some of our ideas. We've gone through two frames of thought on 'where'. At first we wanted to head out to a winery in the Yarra Valley, but soon realised that heaps of our friends don't drive and given we're all inner-city dwellers for the most part it's a long way out for some. The second thought (and the one that seems it will stick) is a wine bar/bar/restaurant in the Melbourne CBD. Easy for all, reflective of us (given my devout love for my city and its unique nightlife and Himself's laid back attitude), much more simple in terms of doing a cocktail style party than formal sit-down affair.

That decision kind of solidified the 'how'. Having a bar means a cocktail food menu, a quick informal ceremony before we lay back and enjoy the rest of the night and no trapsing accross from ceremony to reception. It's perfect for us and doesn't play into the traditional pomp and bore of a wedding.

'When' has been dictated by the fact that we want Himself's dad to be there (obviously), and he's in the middle east. This means we want to wait until he can be back here, which means July 07 (I'm gunning to have a wedding on 07/07/07. I keep trying to convince Himself it will make us one step away from the devil). Perfect. In the middle of winter, which is our favourite time of the year (and my favourite time to be in the cobblestone back alleys of Melbourne), no need for sunny daytime affairs, no happy sunshine wedding photos.

'Who' also came pretty easily. We wrote a list of every single person we could think of that we might possibly want to invite. That gave us a starting point to understand how big the guest list could be at its largest, which means we can look at where to trim it down or whether we really think people will actually be able to make it and estimate from there. Fortunately it showed that a cocktail style night would be great as it would allow us to have maximum people for minimum cost and without worrying about elaborate seating plans.

So that pretty much makes up 'what' it will be. Details could be trickier, but damn that's a good simple start.

Which brings me back to my original point. What I'm describing so far is pretty much the anti of everything you find in bridal magazines. Where do I find my ideas and options to work out all these details damn it???