Post wedding catch up

We're married. It's done. I'm really regretting not having the chance to write more about the experience because there were some crazy (good and bad) parts.

When all is said and done though, we managed to make it through our wedding with our morals intact, we were pretty happy with how everything turned out and we shared an important occassion with our family and friends. That really was the greatest gift, having so many people there to celebrate with us.

To be honest, our aim wasn't really achieved. It wasn't a stress-free wedding at all. The night before we ended up in a huge argument that was the culmination of a horrible few months. The argument was horrible, and in retrospect I can see that the wedding made it worse. In normal life it would have been just a bad argument, due to the timing it overshadowed what should have been a happier night. That's not to say we didn't enjoy ourselves or we were arguing or anything, just that we kind of did our own thing, and we didn't approach it with as much joy as we really could have.

On the positive side, the horrible stuff wasn't about the wedding. It was thanks to the not-so-subtle fracturing of our life thanks to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (something I talk about a lot more in my other blog), and the pressures that added to my life as I became progressively sicker, the business that we co-run ending up in serious trouble when I could no longer get everything done and Himself's workload became out of control. Not to mention we became progressively poorer (and more panicked) due to my inability to work either my day job or our side business (which still had costs of its own building up).

It's taken me ages to come back to this blog and even write about the wedding, mostly because I really did feel pretty shitty about it for ages. I didn't want to write some false, happy-happy post about our brilliant life together when the simple truth is it was more complicated than we wanted it to be. I want to write a bit more about this, and I also think some posts I've made on my regular blog are probably more suitable for a space like this. I want to keep this blog running. Originally I thought of it as a space to talk about a non-crazy bride kind of wedding, but really it's always been about what it feels like to think of yourself as a woman who doesn't fit the framework a lot of other women define themselves by. What it's like to try to find personal meaning and your own brand of feminism in your regular life, even when you're doing things that in themselves probably aren't feminist according to many views.

So let's reimagine this blog then, and instead of being an anti-bride tale, can it be makings of a modern woman?