Where to from here?
I'm wondering about this blog... do I really need a whole separate blog to talk about these aspects of my life? I feel like I do, but mostly because I find it something I do separate quite severely in my regular life. I didn't talk about my upcoming wedding non-stop in the lead up, and I don't talk incessantly about my marriage and relationship post-wedding either.
Sometimes, though, it feels like I leave it out of my discussions (including my blog) because I feel like it's something that should be apart from the rest of my life. I think that also comes from working with Himself. You sort of learn to compartmentalise. What I've realised, though, is that I haven't been compartmentalising. It's more like I've been pretending it's a whole area of my life that doesn't exist. And my relationship, my marriage, my work-partnership with Himself is obviously a huge aspect of my life. One that throws up dilemmas for me every day. And not so much in the let's-talk-about-my-husband-and-his-bad-habits way, but the ways that make me consider how I feel about feminism in my own life, how I relate to other women because of my "not single" status, how I balance or manage that part of my life with everything else and how it grows and changes.
I went out of my way to start publishing a lot more honestly about my experiences with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on my other blog not so long ago. I did the same thing earlier with being more open about my experiences of depression, or even my earlier miscarriage. Every time I've gone through one of these experiences, which are characterised often by people being embarrassed or ashamed of them, I have realised that the only way not to play into the idea stigma that already exists is to be open about them. If I won't talk about depression honestly, if I let myself feel as if I ought to be ashamed of my own depression, then I'm saying it is something to hide, to feel shit over and to let rule your life in silence. I don't think any less of anyone else who has suffered from depression, or a miscarriage, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so why let other people's misconceptions rule my behaviour?
It's also a way to remove some of the barriers I tend to put up. I often don't want to admit that I need help, or I feel isolated... but then I blame others for not being there, or not helping. Again, I think it does raise the question of whether this blog is really required, or I should just stop separating my life so much... for the time being, though, I'll post over here and see how we go.
Sometimes, though, it feels like I leave it out of my discussions (including my blog) because I feel like it's something that should be apart from the rest of my life. I think that also comes from working with Himself. You sort of learn to compartmentalise. What I've realised, though, is that I haven't been compartmentalising. It's more like I've been pretending it's a whole area of my life that doesn't exist. And my relationship, my marriage, my work-partnership with Himself is obviously a huge aspect of my life. One that throws up dilemmas for me every day. And not so much in the let's-talk-about-my-husband-and-his-bad-habits way, but the ways that make me consider how I feel about feminism in my own life, how I relate to other women because of my "not single" status, how I balance or manage that part of my life with everything else and how it grows and changes.
I went out of my way to start publishing a lot more honestly about my experiences with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on my other blog not so long ago. I did the same thing earlier with being more open about my experiences of depression, or even my earlier miscarriage. Every time I've gone through one of these experiences, which are characterised often by people being embarrassed or ashamed of them, I have realised that the only way not to play into the idea stigma that already exists is to be open about them. If I won't talk about depression honestly, if I let myself feel as if I ought to be ashamed of my own depression, then I'm saying it is something to hide, to feel shit over and to let rule your life in silence. I don't think any less of anyone else who has suffered from depression, or a miscarriage, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so why let other people's misconceptions rule my behaviour?
It's also a way to remove some of the barriers I tend to put up. I often don't want to admit that I need help, or I feel isolated... but then I blame others for not being there, or not helping. Again, I think it does raise the question of whether this blog is really required, or I should just stop separating my life so much... for the time being, though, I'll post over here and see how we go.
posted by made in melbourne | 11:38 PM
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